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Saturday, 11 May 2013

Positive Affirmations Can Help You Become Less Defensive

Have you ever been having a chat with someone and they say something that triggers a very defensive remark from you? I'm sure we have all done this at some time. Some do it more than others. Then that friend looks puzzled. These are often called triggers to negative affirmations that we have developed over time and we do this often as a survival mechanism. Affirmations are words or thoughts that create a belief system deep within our subconscious that we feel are crucial to our survival. It's known as a conditioned response. That belief system is not always a true representation of the world around us. It develops from: positive and negative life experiences; parents; teachers; peers; the TV and the media. Prejudice is probably the most extreme negative response example.

So how does a negative response to a positive thought such as "I am a good person" affect us in life? The first thing we need to do is understand what those bad thoughts are such as "I'm a bad person" and why they became triggers for us. These affirmations can work in our best interest or they can work against us. Imagine being in an interview and the interviewer asks how did you handle a difficult situation. "Well, I walked away and sent someone else to deal with it as I have a serious issue with confrontation. It's because my mum and dad argued all the time. It scared me." "Oh so you would not be able to do the job if faced with a difficult situation." Now I'm not saying that is exactly what you might say in an interview. It could develop an uncomfortable feeling within you and your reply of dealing with a difficult situation may not sound so congruent. You will want to respond with confidence and a sincere reply. We do not always voice the automatic response from our subconscious. However, it's there knocking on the door changing the way you say something, how you come across to others and it could show in your body language.

How do you use affirmations and what can you expect to happen? Well, I really enjoy searching for affirmations, motivational and inspirational quotes on the internet in the morning to post on any Social Media sites. Its' good to see it in black and white, which makes me feel pretty good. Then other people like my affirmations or quotes and that just doubles the happy sensation for me. This is having a positive response to positive affirmations, which has been accepted by my subconscious. The positive response to "I'm a good person" is feeling I am a good person. I feel good.

So what happens when you have a negative response to a positive affirmation? A negative response to "I'm a good person" will not feel very nice. Your subconscious may be fighting back and letting you know it feels threatened. Over the years of working with people with addiction, I've noticed how they are full of feelings of wanting to really change and even after detoxification, they go back to their addictive behaviour. Then they are miserable again. The happiness is fleeting. Even though it's bad to misuse alcohol and the person knows this; the subconscious believes that this is important to survival. It's dysfunctional thinking. Many people will challenge this and make the changes in their lives that they want no matter what negative feelings they are receiving from within. In the case of addiction I recommend medical assistance. However, dealing with the mental challenges is an excellent way to fight back against this faulty thinking.

I know it takes a lot of time and energy to re-examine your belief system. That's how affirmations can help. Think of it in simple terms. If you find a positive affirmation that, when said out loud, makes you feel good, your subconscious is accepting it as true. When your positive affirmation triggers a negative response, then you know that this may need to be challenged.

How can you challenge these negative responses? Just follow these 3 tips and turn those responses in to positive ones. This is the time to change and challenge any defensive responses you are experiencing. Life could be a lot more fun and your social relationships will benefit enormously from it. So here they are:
  1. Find a positive quotation or affirmation that looks good to you, and then try it out. "I look fabulous." Replace this with something you would like to change about yourself. Say it every morning and just note how you feel when you say it. If it's a great feeling then you are accepting you look fabulous. If it's bad feeling, then challenge it.

  2. Challenging negative responses to positive affirmations. It's simple: just keep doing it until the feeling becomes a positive response. It will happen eventually. Repetition is a very powerful tool for most things including changing your mindset. Things take time and I know we want an instant result but changing belief systems takes time. It'll all be worth it.

  3. If you are feeling strong negative emotions. I recommend that you seek professional help, which can help you to decide how to begin to heal within.
I'm feeling very excited for you that you are embarking on a journey that will help you to begin to respond in a positive way and not have your day ruined by those unpleasant feelings. A positive affirmation for you: "I believe in myself." Say it out loud and see how wonderful you will feel in time.

My name is Amanda Hemers and it is my passion to share inspirational stories, emails, videos, e-books and personal development courses. I have been inspiring and coaching many people from all walks of life to be empowered for over 10 years. It is my goal to inspire and support people to achieve their dreams. Over 20 years I have been working through many personal development programmes finding the best sources and mentors in the business. I want to share all this information with you and support you on your journey to success and happiness. If you would like to know more then you can visit my website at and I'll be giving you 4 free ebooks full of tips and actions for you to start your journey.

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